The New Guy
by Winter's Lightning
Summary: Axel and Roxas in the time between KH1 and KH2.  Pre 358/2 days I wrote this for a friend.  Half serious, but mostly for the lulz. Prank wars, thoughts and a trip to Christmas town. Dead By April: "Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**Pairings:** Axel/Roxas friendship.

**Author's Note: **I wrote this as a present to a friend a couple of years ago, before 358/2 days came out. Naturally that means it's not strictly correct, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it if they can ignore that fact. It's kind of half crack, half serious... mostly just done as a bit of fun. Hope you enjoy:

Dead By April: Promise Me.

"_Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful."_

AXEL : 20th Nov

New guy joins tomorrow. Some blond kid with a Keyblade. Call me stupid, but considering past experience with keyblade masters, I don't think we should be welcoming him with open arms. That Sora kid got rid of Larxene though, so I guess they can't be all bad. Talk about constant PMS.

Dunno what Mansex is up to. Maybe he's planning on using this Roxas guy to take out Sora? Wouldn't hold much hope out on that one, since we can't even find the guy. Disappeared along with Namine back at Castle Oblivion. I bet if we find her, we'll find him. Still, never pegged Sora as the type to hide. Maybe we did more damage to his memories than we thought.

Still, can't wait to shake things up around here. Every day seems the same lately. 

ROXAS : 20th November

Tomorrow I join Organisation XIII. Was approached by Xemnas, who seemed very interested in my Keyblades. He wants to use me as a weapon, a tool to defeat the Heartless. I couldn't care less what he has me do, as long as it helps me figure out who I am. What I am.

Xenmas assures me that Kingdom Hearts holds the answers I'm looking for, but I'm unconvinced. How can you trust someone that can't feel guilt when they stab you in the back? I'll have to tread carefully. 

AXEL : 21st Nov

Met Blondie today. Miserable git. Refused to play along when I dared him to steal Xigbar's eye patch, even when I told him it was his initiation. Luxord was much more fun. Got him to dye Marluxia's hair pink. Backfired slightly when he decided he preferred it to his natural brown. Flowery prat. Killed by a kid though, that'll teach him to be a nancy boy.

It was totally worth tampering with the robe orders. Imp looked like he was drowning in fabric.

Anyway, said I'd show him the ropes on his first patrol. Squirt's got no appreciation at all, said he didn't need to be babied. Honestly, kids today. You try to help a guy…

Going anyway. Have a feeling this Newbie will be fun to torment.

You know, it was strange. His eyes were just like Sora's.

ROXAS : 21st November: Day One of Organisaton XIII

So, I'm officially Number XIII of the Organisation. The "Key of Destiny".

The place isn't exactly what I expected. I didn't get to meet everyone, since apparently some of the members were out on Organisation business. Saix showed me to my room and gave me a rota for the nightly patrols. He's a strange guy. Seems so reserved, but I doubt the others – we passed a few of them on the way, but I wasn't introduced – would show him so much respect if they weren't afraid of him. There must be more to him. My room's closest to a guy called Axel. Have a feeling we won't get on, since he greeted me with "Hey Roxy! Name's Axel, got it memorized?" before virtually crushing me and babbling some none-sense about dead flowers and children. He's obviously insane.

Was rescued by Demyx. A cheerful guy that runs around with a giant guitar – clearly phallic – My relief was short lived though. Axel re-appeared as soon as Demyx was summoned by The Superior. Kept nagging me to steal the eyepatch of a guy who looks like he's just lumbered off a mountain somewhere. Blatant suicide, keyblade or not. I chose life. Besides, I have more important things to do than indulge in the childish pranks of some freak with ADD. 

The guy's a frickin' stalker! Everyone else seems happy enough to leave me alone, but he just _won't leave! _Wanted to follow me on my first patrol, like I couldn't manage on my own or something.

Didn't realise I'd be the youngest. Xemnas insists we all wear this dark black uniform. I suppose it's meant to make us look imposing. Didn't really pull it off, since it trailed behind me, at least 2 foot too long. You'd think as a group of evil masterminds they could figure out to buy a small. Stupid Nobodies, no sympathy at all. Felt ridiculous and scowled at everyone.

Axel pissed himself laughing, the little bastard. I just know he's behind it. 

I get my new uniform tomorrow.

AXEL : 22nd Nov

Horribly bored. Singed off Demyx's eyebrows in his sleep to amuse myself. Don't think he's noticed yet. Hah.

Couldn't help Blondie with his patrol. Mansex had me on a stupid errand. Asking Sephiroth if he was interested in helping our campaign, align himself with the darkness and all that jazz. Waste of time, guy's got his own priorities, and enough strength to follow through with them. Seems un-naturally interested in a guy named Cloud. Well, whatever floats his boat. They both look girly anyway. Suspect Mansex is jealous of Seperoth's hair. It's everything his spiky mane tries and fails to be. Walked in on him straightening it once. That bit of ammo got me off duty for _weeks_. Aaah, good times.

Suspect Xigbar has something to do with my sudden change in schedule. He _knows _I love freaking the Newbie's out with stories about him and Xaldin! (Luxord _still _thinks they're getting it on. Man, I kill me.) He ended up going with Roxas, waved at me on the way out, the scheming little shit. He must have arranged something with Mansex, caught him mucking about with curling irons or something. Don't know what he thinks he's doing, getting all pally with _my _new best friend. Action will have to be taken.

Maybe Mansex is afraid of the glory of _my_ hair. It _is _supremely manly, I can see why he'd feel threatened.

Hair envy, it's a terrible thing.

*later*

When they got back I made my move. Dove out the shadows like a freakin' _ninja. _Got Xigbar in a headlock and started throwing accusations left, right and centre. Put corks in his guns while executing a vicious nuggie. Idiot tried to shoot me when I accused him of taking advantage of our newest member on patrol and they exploded in his face. Classic. He should know not to mess with the _master!_

Even Roxy chuckled, at least I think he did, my face was embedded in a wall at the time. Stupid Demyx ruined everything!

Still, overall win I'd say. Axel: 1, Xigbar: 0. Oh yeah, Xigbar will think twice before wronging _me _again!

Huh, wonder what's going on out – oh shit! What if it's Xigbar? Maybe he's back for revenge! He's –

ROXAS : 22nd November: Day Two of Organisaton XIII

Last night was absolutely _mortifying. _Going to kill that red headed freak. Xigbar ended up going on patrol with me, which was bad enough in itself, guy thinks he's so Goddamn hilarious. He's not.

Every heartless struck down had to endure a horrible finishing line before embracing sweet¸ _sweet _relieffrom a never ending list of bad puns and one liners. "Sorry to do this, it _breaks my heart." "_I'd love to help you, but my _heart _just wouldn't be in it." Or, his personal favourite, "I've got my _eye _on you!"

Wish I'd stolen his fecking eye patch when I'd had the chance. Could have flicked it into his nasty, scarred face yelling "You wouldn't know funny if it hit you in the _face_!" and then "That's _comedy, _bitch!" on impact.

When we finally got back I was ready to collapse. I always knew the heartless were drawn to the Keyblade, but this was ridiculous. Never seemed to end. Maybe it's something to do with this place? The World That Never Was seems to be over-run. Must be to do with Kingdom Hearts. Hanging above the castle, illuminating everything with the light of a thousand lost hearts. By the end of it all I was half asleep, dragging my Keyblades along the floor, grimacing with every crushingly bad pun fired my way.

Then Axel leapt at us, crazy eyes, chakrams flaming, scared the crap out of me! Started yelling at Xigbar for keeping me all to himself, lunged at him and started some kind of wrestling match, all the time with this crazy determined grin on his face! I was all for sneaking away and leaving Xigbar to his fate until I heard Axel shouting at him for "stealing my innocence" in the woods by the castle. We both looked at him, mouths gaping. I couldn't help but twitch – what the _Hell _kind of organisation have I joined here? – then Xigbar tried to shoot him in the face and his guns exploded and set his hair on fire!

Demyx came in to find out what all the noise was about, screamed "Dance water, DANCE!" and drenched us all. By this point I was considering suicide, but the drama was far from over.

More accusations, as Xigbar patted his singed hair with a look of horror. (Don't know what he was so sad about, with that face, the singed hair's hardly the thing that's going to make him hideous.)

Demyx freaked out and snared me in some kind of death grip, barely giving a chance to wonder what the _fuck _happened to his eyebrows, and began shielding me from, quote, "The horrors of the world".

Xigbar stopped fawning over his hair and picked up – of all things – a smoking cork, before launching himself arms flailing, legs kicking at Axel, who was hunched over cackling like a lunatic.

Couldn't see much through the arms of a clingy Demyx (who by the way was _still _vowing to protect me from Xigbar's supposed "lecherous advances" *twitch*) but I saw Axel skid on the wet floor and fly into a wall, wind-milling his arms furiously.

Couldn't help but laugh. The look on his _face_ right before impact! Classic.

*later*

Eurgh. What the Hell's going on out there? All I can hear from next door is a mesh of clangs, splashes and yelps. Took me forever to get Demyx off me – He's like a Goddamn _leach – _I just want to _sleep!_ Who even knows what I'll have to deal with tomorrow! Stupid Axel. Stupid –

*later*

Oh my _God!_ All Hell just broke into my room! Door burst open and Axel –big surprise – came barrelling in. Guy's turning into the _bane of my life_ and I've only known him two days! What the Hell's his problem? Careering into my room with the words "Little buddy! Save me! Xigbar's gone mad!" before a giant hole's blasted in my wall and Xigbar comes charging through the flaming rubble, guns blazing! Cast Reflect on myself just in time. Standing there, in my pyjamas, with no sleep and a gaping hole in my wall, I snapped. Out came the Keyblades. New member or not, enough was enough. Good dose of lightning to them both, especially Xigbar . Barely resisted yelling _"Shocking, isn't it!_" as his smoking comedic ass flew through the hole he blasted in my wall. Axel landed on my bed, red pyjamas singed. Sat up, waving a finger at me like a drunk before slurring "Din hava get meh choo" as sparks crackled up his spiky hair. Flailed my arms madly screaming _**"OUT!**_" and he scampered after Xigbar.

Little buddy? _Little buddy?_ What even _is _that? A freakin' death wish?

Forget the penalty. If every night's like this I'll have to leave The Organisation before my first week's up!


	2. Chapter 2

AXEL: 23rd Nov

Wow. Ache today. Hair's still pretty static. Seems there's more to Roxy than I thought. Powerful kid. Hah, his face when I called him "Little buddy" had no idea someone could glare like that. Like he couldn't quite decide between murdering me right there and then, or drawing it out for decades. Good stuff. Will have to use this height thing to my advantage more often.

Ah well. The time to test it out is at hand! I'll go and see Roxy in a bit. Xigbar was meant to be on the Halloween Town mission with me today. Went into his room to find him babbling incoherently, twitching as the occasional spark shot off his body. Still, guy's gonna recover sooner or later, so left some gunpowder in a box labelled "Wanna truce Sparky?"

Doubt it will be the end of it, but it should stop things from getting as mad as yesterday.

And since he's out of action it's logical to take the guy who caused the damage, right? Time to wake sleeping beauty.

*later*

Halloween town was great. Always wondered what I'd be there. Should have seen the lunatic outfit coming. Wouldn't have pegged Rox as a vampire though. Ripped straightjacket was far too much fun to wear. Kept swacking Roxy with the clips and buckles until he cast Stop on me and tied them all in bows.

At least he didn't thundaga me again.

Getting the Doc's book was a piece of cake, gave me plenty of time for a little detour in Traverse Town.

ROXAS: 23rd November

Had one personal mission today: Avoid Axel. Naturally, it was a miserable failure. Was woken by him looming over me, yelling "MOOOORNING!" right into my face. Completely freaked out and fell out of bed. Why? Why me? Just _why _won't he leave me alone? Crazy, clingy bastard.

Glared for all I was worth, to no avail. He's either oblivious to my waves of hate, or living with the likes of Xemnas has stoped him from ever being intimidated. I'm willing to bet it's the first one.

Stalked me to the kitchen. "Yo Shorty" – definitely a death wish – "About last night. It's all well and good to go for Me and Xigbar. We're usually just messing about with all this stuff, but you might want to watch yourself with some of the others. Man – er, _Xemnas_ , or Siax wouldn't let it slide, they'd end you." Then that stupid toothy grin. "Got it memorized?"

Don't know what I was expecting. An apology? For him to avoid me? Certainly didn't expect a warning, for him to act like I didn't charcoal his ass. And he doesn't have to warn me. You don't mess with people like them. It's their nature to ruin anything that puts a dent in their pride.

Guess it's nice of him to look out for me though, even if he is a pain in the neck most of the time. Nobody's ever done it before. It's strange.

Turns out Xigbar's inactive. Seems I overdid it. Still, that'll teach him to shoot a hole in my wall. "Free Sooter" is right. Maybe he'll think before shooting from now on. Anywho, falls on me and *sigh* my stalker to go to Halloween Town and steal Dr Frankenstein's notes on creating a heartless. Apparently it's a job too important to leave to the lesser Nobodies at our command. I've not used the darkness to move from world to world yet, and strange as it may seem, I'm glad Axel will be there.

*later*

Halloween town was a strange place. I'd never been anywhere but Twilight Town and The World That Never Was. Axel's form was fitting. I was a vampire. Have to say the cape was fun. Except for when Axel stood on it. I went head first into the fountain in the main square. Can't figure out if it was an accident or not. Then again, it was Axel. For a place I'd never seen before I've no idea how I found Dr Frankenstein's lab first. I just kind of wondered up to it without thinking, while Axel got lost in a nearby graveyard.

The mission itself was a breeze. Dr Frankenstein wasn't even home. On the way back we hit Traverse Town. Axel said he had something to pick up. Waiting on the rooftops of The First District, I could have sworn I'd been there before. Like I'd seen it in a dream. I kept trying to shake it off, but there was something there behind the low lit windows, in the mismatched cobbled street, the far off sound of a bell… something familiar.

When I got back to my room, I found a giant rug nailed over the gaping hole in my wall. Blue with red swirls, and a little red tag that read "Sorry about your room Rox, it was kinda my fault. Axel."

Well. I guess he wasn't actually that bad today.

AXEL: 24th Nov

Had a group meeting this morning. Still can't stand those _ridiculous _chairs. Sooner or later one of us is going to fall off them, I just know it. Might even help it along, Siax has been even more bossy than usual lately… he's just asking for some payback. Didn't like the way The Superior was eyeing Roxas, like he was a lump of gold, his saving grace or something. Kept asking questions about the Keyblades. I could tell Rox was getting edgy, seems he's as lost as the rest of us when it comes to their power. His hands were digging into his arm-rests, and he looked so confused. I wonder if he's asked himself all those questions before? He must have done. Mansex should watch himself. The last time he pissed off a Keyblade Master, he lost half his men, as I was kind enough to point out. Then again, that was partly my fault.

I talk about how much I hate the way he does things… how he just uses things to his advantage. Nothing's sacred. Even as a Nobody, I still _remember _how it was to have emotions, and something about being so calculating doesn't sit right with me. Still, they say you hate what you don't want to see in yourself. I wonder if we're really so different.

I tricked Larxene and Marluxia, but they had it coming to them, scheming against the organisation like that. Don't know why they wanted the power. Being the High Up just means more people are after your blood. Better to sit on the sidelines. I killed Vexen, but I never really liked him. Sometimes I tell myself it's ok, because I set Namine free, and that must count for something… but if Sora hadn't arrived I would have ploughed straight through her to get to Marluxia. I wonder what I'll do if we find her again. If she lets on I helped her it's over for me. And then there's Zexion. Tricked the Riku Replica into killing him, a move even Mansex would have been proud of.

I thought all Nobodies were like us. But not Roxas. There's something different about him.

*later*

Have decided I need something to cheer me up. Xigbar must be plotting something by now. Attack is the best form of defence, right? Time to pick up my little pranking protégé.

*later*

He's got conditions. He'll help, if I give him info on Sora. Not sure how much I should tell him. Not even sure if half of what I guess is right. Still, I think he deserves to know. He's the only one here who has no idea who he was before he became a Nobody. I can't imagine how lost I'd feel without _anything _to hold onto.

*later*

My God, the kid's a natural. Flawless execution of my master plan! Told Luxord The Superior had a new mission for him. Roxas said the same to Xigbar and Xaldin. Course, Roxas did have the hardest part to play in this, but after seeing his work with thundaga I couldn't resist using his magic. He cast stop on his pair, and locked them in the single bathroom on the third floor. Dropped the spell and unlocked the door just as he saw 2 shadows – mine and Luxord's – on the far wall. Luxord and I rounded the corner to see Xigbar and Xaldin burst through the door and land in a ruffled tangle of limbs on the floor.

Luxord looked positively _mortified!_ Slapped one hand over his eyes and used the other for a truly dramatic point as he cried "THE RUMORS WERE _**TRUE!**_"

Could barely hobble away from Xigbar I was laughing so hard. Ditched him on the fifth floor, where he caught a horrified Luxord, looking like he wanted to scrub his brain out with bleach. "_Waaaait!_ It wasn't what it _looked_ like!" Hahahaa! Axel: 2, Xigbar: minus several billion.

Hope Roxy dealt with Xaldin ok. Didn't really think that one through. Oh well, time to hold up on my side of the bargain.

*later*

He got away without so much as a _scratch!_ And coming back from the kitchen I totally saw them pass each other on the stairs. There was no hate! No looming dread! They just kind of walked past each other with this little nod! How the _Hell_ did he get out of that one? I've been ducking 'round corridors like some kind of escaped convict to avoid Xaldin and his crazy spears!

When I asked him about it he just said it was a "Trade secret." Just _who_ is the protégé here? I'm starting to wonder.

Told him bits of what I've pieced together. Not everything though. I mean there's no point in telling him Sora's still out there, right? False hope. I mean we can't even find him. And what's he gonna do if he finds him anyway? It's not like a Nobody can ever be a Somebody without the power of Kingdom Hearts.

Or so Xemnas keeps telling us.

I wonder why he never tells us exactly how this Somebody business goes down? What if it's a one-Nobody deal, and we're all pawns in his rise to completion?

I wouldn't be surprised.

*later*

Demyx's eyebrows are visible again. Gave him a Hitler tash to be going on with.

ROXAS: 24th November

Had my first meeting with the whole Organisation today. Was formally introduced to the members I hadn't already met. Then the questions began.

I've never felt so frustrated. I couldn't answer _anything. _Why you? How do you summon them? Why two? Why do they kill Heartless? An endless stream of questions that just went on and on. I've thought about these things before, and I've never found any answers. Everyone just sat there peering at me like I was some rare, freakish animal in a zoo, waiting for answers I didn't have… all I could think was if I could just find out who my Somebody was maybe I'd have a chance. Xemnas drew me here with the promise that Kingdom Hearts would have my answers, but it seems all I'm doing here is finding out how little I know about myself. Just when I thought I was going to explode, Axel cut in.

"Woah, ease up there Superior. Remember what happened the last time you pissed off a Keyblade Master?"

When I asked who they were talking about, Xemnas just said that the questions were necessary to further understand the power of hearts. He's hiding something. If they've come across Keyblades before, they _must_ know who my Somebody is. They just don't want to tell me. From then on he kept a close eye on Axel, who was grinning, legs slung over one of the arm of his chair, with his hands behind his head – casual as anything – like he hadn't just taken on The Superior. Like he wasn't walking on glass.

*later*

Didn't think anything would cheer me up after this morning, but it turns out I was wrong. Axel came by my room after the meeting – strolled through the rug like he owned the place – and said "So Roxy, ready to get one up on the guy that ruined your wall?" Gave him a glare as he flopped against the wall. "No, not me, Xigbar! Besides, I gave you an apology rug! Stylish _and _functional!"

I said I thought I'd got him back pretty well by shooting him straight back through said hole twitching and smoking, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Axel had bigger things in mind.

Turns out after me, Luxord is the newest member. Don't know that much about him except he's got the most horrible facial hair I've ever seen. Some kind of bleach blond cowboy tash/goatee combo that just shouldn't be allowed. Axel's been telling him Xigbar and Xaldin are an item. As vomit inducing as this idea is, it's nice to finally understand why Luxord kept flinching when either of them looked his way.

Asked Axel who the other Keyblade master was. He said he'd tell me what he knows if I help him pull off his latest plan. Apparently today's the day we solidify the suspicions he planted in Luxord's mind.

Can't help but think Axel has _far _too much time on his hands to come up with all this. Still, the place would be dead without him.

*later*

The plan was so simple I was sure it wouldn't work, but I was wrong. Axel said it's beauty was in it's simplicity, that the key was in the timing ("Got it memorized?") and he was _so _right. It all went down by the single loo on the third floor. Axel must have been listening more than I thought during the meeting, to know of the Keyblade's ability to use locks from either side of a door.

I got Xigbar and Xaldin locked in there, and unlocked the door in time for them to come crashing out as Luxord came around the corner. I've never seen anyone go so pale.

Once Xigbar detangled himself he summoned his guns yelling "YOU SAID **TRUCE!**" and charged at Axel. I'm starting to get that it's a regular thing.

Doesn't seem Axel ever thinks of the repercussions of his actions. Luckily for me, I'm a _genius._ Cast Stop on myself while Xaldin was getting up. I wish I could give myself an award for that little bit of quick thinking. Pulled my best innocent face when Xaldin dispelled it – he has the most _horrific _sideburns close up – and I got off scot free! How could I _possibly _have been in on it if I was frozen in place too? Oh _yes, _I am the _master_ of deception!

*later*

Thought Axel had forgotten his promise, but sure enough he sidled in a few hours later, the hem of his coat littered in bullet holes. Told him one day Xigbar's bound to become a better shot, but all he did was shrug and say he'd just have to get better at dodging. Think he was impressed I didn't mess up the plan.

"Good work with the locks, partner" he said, with his patented Axel Grin.

"They don't call me The Key Of Destiny for nothing."

He said the first thing I should know is that the best he's got are guesses. He met Sora in a place called Castle Oblivion, says he looked a lot like me, but that could be coincidence. Probably not though, since he had a Keyblade. Axel last saw him before his battle with Marluxia, who was killed. Nobody knows what happened to Sora after that, but Axel said if anyone could help me with my memories, it's a girl called Namine.

I guess it's nice to know something, even if I do have more questions than ever now. At this point, anything feels like a step forward. And at least now I have a name to hold in the back of my mind.

Maybe things will start coming back to me, like they did with the others?

AXEL: 25th Nov

I went looking for Namine today. I'm meant to be spying on Maleficent and Pete, and for all Mansex knows, I have been. But finding Sora, it suddenly feels far more important than before. I don't know what I'll do if I find him, or even if I can. He could be dead for all I know. A part of me hopes he is. Then maybe Roxas won't get any ideas. If Roxy _is _Sora's Nobody then he'd have to be a heartless… but I didn't think Sora would give into the darkness. Not even for a moment… he's too bright. Then again, even the strongest can fall to their knees for power when they need it.

Searched Castle Oblivion earlier. Most of it anyway. There are far too many secret tunnels and basements for me to have made a perfect job of it. Have left some lesser Nobodies to keep searching. I figured it was as good a place as any to start.

Gonna head over to Destiny Islands tomorrow, Namine said it's where Sora grew up. Though I doubt he'd be stupid or selfish enough to hide out there while the worlds are left to face the remaining Heartless. He's too damn noble. If he isn't dead already that attitude is sure to end him some day. Not everyone plays by the rules.

Was beat when I got back. Roxy was playing cards with Xigbar and Luxord. Hah, idiot, I bet he got cleaned out. Wasn't in the mood for games though. Made my report to Mansex: No change, Pete still blithering idiot, Maleficent still hopelessly dead. Or, you know, the crazy crow lady's equivalent. We all know it's not the last we've seen of her. Not like Mansex will ever know I didn't really look into it. I'll be surprised if those two ever get their act together and become a real threat to the Organisation, and I can match him lie for lie with a grin on my face.

*later*

Demyx now sports a fetching mono-brow. Guy sleeps like the dead. I could set him on fire and he wouldn't even notice.

Might try it some time.

ROXAS: 25th November

Was a bit weird being on a mission without Axel now to be honest. I kind of got used to having him around. The only thing I could think of to say to Demyx at first was "Xigbar didn't… steal my innocence you know." Which brought on an instant inner facepalm. I had the sudden fear that he'd attach himself to me again, but thank _god _he didn't. Instead he came back with "Yeah, Axe told me it was a joke… but did you hear about him and Xaldin?" Somehow managed to choke on nothing and go into a huge coughing frenzy that left my eyes watering. "I know! I couldn't believe it either, until Luxord…" he chattered on for a bit while I regained my composure. Seems Axel's at the heart of everything that goes on around the castle. Wonder if he's ever taken Xemnas down a peg or two. If he hasn't, I bet he's itching to.

Demyx says he's afraid to go to sleep. Apparently someone keeps doing things to his face whenever he nods off. Hmm. Complete mystery.

Today's mission was in Hollow Bastion. It wasn't meant to be dangerous – just keeping tabs on the progress of a group lead by a man named Leon – but things went wrong. We used the darkness to reach the Lift Stop, but before we could even move this girl with a giant shuriken jumped out of nowhere, raising some kind of alarm and throwing more stars at us. It was all I could do to throw myself to the ground and avoid them. My God she was fast! My hood fell down, and she gave me the strangest look before a sword came flashing towards my head. Had to focus on a new opponent then, as Demyx distracted the girl. (His water clones are the most _ridiculous _weapon_. _I mean what's he going to do? _Clean _the enemy to death?)

I later found out I'd been fighting Leon, the leader. He was strong, didn't let up for a moment. Gave me the same look as the girl and turned _furious_. Kept shouting, "What have you done with SORA?" and driving me towards the edge of the castle. I felt something behind me, and Demyx pulled me back into the darkness, but as I was dragged back into the portal all I could see were the faces of people who I should have known.

They knew Sora.

*later*

Wonder where Axel is. I've not seen him today. Hope Xaldin didn't kill him or anything. Found Luxord and Xigbar playing cards in the hall. They asked if I wanted a game. Figured I had nothing to lose, but was proven wrong. Somebody could have thought to _warn _me not to bet munny against Luxord!

Stupid Cowboy was radiating smugness while he decked out the cards. Should have known something was off, or as he said later, learn to hedge my bets when "Clearly outmatched."

This sadly gave Xigbar the chance to dive in with "Oooooh, _cutting!_" elbowing Luxord franticly with what I assume was a wink – you can never tell with the patch – as he halved the deck. Shot him a glare and he shut up sharpish.

Eurgh. Tash-Man. Put us in a fair fight and we'll see who's outmatched.

Have discovered there used to be a member called Marluxia who, as well as having pink hair, used _flowers_ to attack. Demyx and his cleaning clones now look like the pinnacle of manliness in comparison.


	3. Chapter 3

**AXEL: 26****th ****Nov**

No luck on Destiny Islands, it only took a quick look around to know that. The girl Namine erased through her drawings was sitting on the beach. She was humming a song to herself, drawing stars in the sand. She didn't look like someone with their memories cut clean away, she knew something was missing. Namine is definitely with Sora. She must be putting all the pieces of his past back together.

There's a funny looking tree on the island. It's got star shaped fruit on it, just like the chain on one of Roxy's Keyblades. Come to think of it, I'm sure Namine's false charm was a star. There must be a connection. Maybe I'll take one back for Rox. At any rate it'll be a change from what's in the kitchen.

*later*

Was a tough shift outside the castle today, or so Dem says. Roxy got hurt pretty bad. A Neoshadow got him while he was casting Reflect on Luxord. Trust him to waste his magic on someone else and end up getting hurt. It's such a _Sora _thing to do.

No doubt about it, he's definitely the kid's Nobody.

I'd best go see him. Bet nobody's thought to patch him up. It's stupid really. If he hadn't been watching out for Luxord, he could have taken on that Neoshadow like it was nothing. Idiot.

*later*

Saw Luxord on my way.

He asked why I was going to see Roxy. I said the better question was why he wasn't.

"You owe him, you know."

"He knew what he was doing. He's fine. There's no reason to check on him, Siax said he's fine to do the next shift."

"Siax would say that even if he was dying. Besides, he's my buddy, I have to check the damage."

"Don't forget what you are, Axel. You're a Nobody. You don't have friends."

Like he has to remind me what I am. Like any of us have the privilege of just _forgetting_ that we aren't complete.

When I got to Roxy he was in a bad way. Face down on his bed, blood running down the arm hanging over the edge, dripping from twitching fingers. As I got closer, I said the only thing that registered.

"Ah, not dead then."

He turned his face and it was so pale. Against the black of his Organisation coat, his face and light hair looked almost monochrome. Then he blinked and opened Sora's eyes.

"Hey Axe. Come to draw on my face while I'm weak and defenceless?"

"Hah, please, I'm better than that. I'm a pranker with _class_ I'll have you know."

"Yeah, Xigbar and Xaldin, that bathroom business just _oozed _class."

"Damn straight. Anyway, this is no tone to address your saviour with! Less of the sass Roxy Boy, or I'll keep this Hi-Potion for myself! Use it to heal my hurt feelings or something."

"Idiot. You don't have – "

" – Feelings, yeah. Here you go, smartass."

Things were better when the bleeding stopped. Rox asked where I'd been, and why I was helping. Seemed more wary of me than usual. I assured him the potion was donated for purely selfish reasons. Boredom mostly. After all, how am I supposed to polish my banter skills with someone who looks like every word forced out is dragging them closer to death? God knows none of the others are quick enough to keep up with my lightning wit.

Said I'd go and talk Siax out of having Roxy pull another heartless shift tonight. It's been a tame few days. Maybe I'll take it on myself, let off some steam.

Star fruit turned out to be pretty sweet. Roxas seemed to like it anyway.

I was only gone for a day and Rox was already full of questions. Where I'd been, why Xemnas never goes on missions himself, who past members were, why I keep drawing on Dem's face. Why I prank people at all. The best way I could explain it is that I get bored easily. I like to feel alive, and if you keep to the programme too much you'll lose that in the end. Better to be spontaneous. Treat things with too much reverence, spend too long afraid of breaking rules, and you'll end up in someone elses control. Besides, when you act like an idiot, people never see a clever attack coming.

**ROXAS: 26****th**** November**

I had a dream last night. There was a girl with red hair. She was watching me fight with someone, but I couldn't make out their face. The darkness hid him from view, everything but a dark Keyblade flashing in the dying sun.

I was on heartless duty today. They seem to have grown in numbers recently, took four of us to protect the castle perimeter today. Never seen Siax fight before. Glad he was on our side, he's an animal. Demyx had taken a few hits, but Luxord got swarmed by Armoured Knights. Cast reflect on him, but wasn't fast enough to block the Neoshadow behind me too. Argh, stupid, I should have fallen back before casting the spell, but then it wouldn't even have been worth it, Luxord would be dead. Don't know why I did it. Guess maybe I was thinking about how much harder it would be to take on all the heartless with just the three of us.

Still, got a nasty cut on my back. Siax told me to patch up for another heartless shift tonight. Don't know where I should go for supplies, or even how deep it is. Too tired to Curaga myself. I'll go and look for some potion once I get some of my strength back. For now I'll go and lie down. Don't feel so good.

*later*

Axel came by earlier. It's all a blur really. My vision kept fading. I think I passed out for a while. Guess I was a worse cut than I thought. Could barely move when he crouched by my bed. Still, for some reason I found the energy to crack jokes. Just him being there made me smile. My crazy stalker, my Pyromaniac Prince Charming, materialized out of thin air in my time of need!

He gave me a Hi-Potion. Managed to sit up after that, and suddenly remembered I'd not seen him yesterday. Took my mind off the pain with a barrage of questions. Somewhere in there, Axe said he'd sort out my shift for tonight.

Not sure how he's planning on doing that, but he's Axel, I'm sure he'll work something out.

I was really in trouble there. Still, I couldn't help but wonder _why_ he helped me. Why he thinks we can be friends at all.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

AXEL: ...

. . . . . . . . . . . .

**27th**

I'm such an _**IDIOT!**_How did I not see this coming? The late shift was set for me, Luxord, Xaldin and Xigbar. My _God,_ how did I _miss it?_ Xigbar and Xaldin would never let an opportunity like this slip past them. And it's all my fault! If I hadn't been so _stupid _and gotten myself hurt, Axel wouldn't be lying in the infirmary right now!

Axel said he'd talk Siax out of giving me another shift yesterday. Why didn't I think about that more? What did I think was going to happen? Someone had to fill my slot for Heartless Duty. Half the members were already busy in other worlds, and _somebody _had to take up the slack. Even if I _had _thought about it… I never thought he'd take it on himself! What's _wrong _with him? Didn't he check the rota?

When I finally recovered enough to move around yesterday, I went looking for some water. Expected to have Axe spring at me demanding bed-rest and possibly some soup or something. Instead, the whole castle seemed cold and empty.

I can't even explain how, but I knew something was wrong. Walking through deserted corridors faster and faster, nothing's ever been so clear to me. I just _knew._ By the time I reached the main hall I was sprinting, searching franticly. Where _was _everyone? I was so frantic I almost missed them. Three cloaked figures playing cards at the base of the main staircase. Xigbar and Xaldin turned to face me. Tense. Ready for a fight. Luxord continued to deal out the cards.

"Why aren't you on patrol?"

Xaldin stepped forward. "It's been taken care of."

"Where's Axel?"

Something wasn't right. I summoned my Keyblades. "Where is he?"

Xaldin moved to block the door "Don't interfere Roxas."

Xigbar moved to stand behind me as Luxord slowly picked up his cards and opened a portal. As he faded into the blackness he said "I warned him not to see you."

I watched Xaldin's stony face as the pieces fell into place.

"He's out there, isn't he?" my whole body felt numb. It all made sense. "You've sent him out there on his own, haven't you? Are you crazy? He can't protect the castle on his own! That's suicide!"

"He isn't out there to protect the castle. He's out there to learn a lesson. He can't run around doing whatever the Hell he likes."

"And what? This is payback? He never hurt anyone! How is this fair? Get out of my way! I have to help him! There's too many out there!"

They summoned their weapons.

"You're injured. You can't beat us both."

"I'm a Keyblade Master. You have no idea what I'm capable of."

"You justdon't know what your limits are. You don't even remember who you are... and you don't know Axel. Why protect someone else? You saw how well that worked with Luxord."

All I could think was that I had to get to Axel before it was too late. This place without Axel… it may as well be empty hallways, and I was scared. (I'm still scared… why won't he wake up?)

Something strange happened to my body, setting every nerve on edge, making me feel invincible, like breathing fire, like breaking all the worlds apart. I was _furious. _"Get out of my _way!"_

That same cold stare from Xaldin. "He brought this on himself."

And then Xigbar, "He was never meant to exist."

For some reason I found myself snarling "Neither were _you!" _and before I knew it I was attacking. I blasted the main doors with firaga, melting iron and burning wood to ash in a second. I didn't even think about how vulnerable I was making the castle, all I had in my mind was a _need _to get to Axel, fighting the masses of shadows swarming around the castle walls all alone.

As soon as the flames settled, Heartless flooded into the main hall. Xaldin turned to fight back the rising tide of darkness – I heard Xigbar's guns behind me – and I leapt past him, cutting a path before me. Arms slashing, Keyblades a blur against the swarming blackness, dozens of hearts drifting to Kingdom Hearts in the sky with every step I took.

I faught past The Brink of Despair, and through the winding streets of The Dark City, panic building in the back of my mind. I finally found him at Memory's Skyscraper, engulfed in flames, grinning into the lashing rain. Like he was having the time of his life, like he didn't care about dying at all! Blood ran down his face, through jagged holes in his uniform, off the roof down the giant screen showing his memories. My face appeared, Axel's blood running down it in thin red lines. But he was still fighting, blades spinning in his hands, yelling "I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON! _**BURN**_ _**BABY!**_" as pillars of fire rose up into the sky, burning the Heartless to nothing. The heat was incredible, even from the ground. I've never seen anyone use fire like that.

As I fought my way towards the skyscraper I kept screaming his name, but it wasn't until I was running up the side of the building he finally saw me. He let out a laugh, sending flames at a Heartless behind me. "So, you ended up fighting anyway? Typical."

A Guard Armour Heartless rose up behind him and I shouted a warning too late. I watched him start to fall, cutting at the enemies surrounding me as my world ground to a halt. A flash of red began to plummet to the ground. Then I ran.

I flew up the wall, flipping to catch Axel as he fell, but he was too heavy for my momentum to carry me back onto the roof. The collision punched through me and my back exploded in pain. I could barely see the pavement rushing towards us, but used the last of my strength to stab the Keyblade of my free hand into the skyscraper's wall, slowing our fall. We still hit the ground hard, but Axel stirred. He was still alive. Blood pooled on the ground around us. I didn't know if it was mine or his.

"Why are you here, Roxas?" It seemed like a silly question to me.

"Wouldn't you do the same thing?"

The Heartless closed in as my vision swam… then I woke up here. In the infirmary, with Axel lying still and silent on the bed to my left.

I can't believe it's only been a week.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

AXEL: ...

. . . . . . . . . . . .

**ROXAS: 28****th**** November**

Of all the people to visit me, I never would have expected Luxord. He leaned by the door watching me for a long time before I realised he was there, quite creepy really.

Was almost glad to see him. After a night of watching Axe lie far too still, any distraction from how pale he was seemed like an improvement. Then he opened his mouth.

"Quite the Drama Queen, aren't you Roxas? A stunt like this in your first week... You'd better tone it down, or Xemnas will throw you out of the Organisation."

He took out a pack of cards and shuffled them idly. I resisted the urge to cram them down his throat. Barely.

"Throw _me _out? After what Xaldin and Xigbar did? It's them that should be kicked out! And you…how could you be such a _coward? _Just walk away like that when you _knew_ Axel was out there. You make me sick!"

"Strong words, Roxas. You almost sound angry." He had the nerve to smile, like it was _funny. _But somehow, I _was _angry.

"Besides, it wasn't my fight."

He tossed a potion at me. Pain flared as I reached forwards to catch it.

"You blew a hole in the castle's defences. Let Heartless in through the main gates. Fuck with the other members as much as you like, any trouble you get into will be your own to deal with however you want... But jeopardise the mission and Xemnas will not show mercy. The only reason you're still here at all is because you're Xemnas's Golden Boy. Without your Keyblades, Kingdom Hearts will remain incomplete. And so will we. Xigbar and Xaldin seem to forget that occasionally. I tried to stop them, knew Axel would be more trouble than he's worth now that you're his loyal lapdog, but when you push Nobodies like them, they go beyond reason."

Lapdog? I glared from the bed, wishing for a decent excuse to attack.

"That said, watch yourself Keyblade _Master, _or you'll reach the point where your keys count for nothing. You're not irreplaceable, and you're not one of a kind. If you become more of a danger to our goals than a means to our end, Xemnas will set the order for you to be destroyed. And no matter who gets the order, none of us will hesitate. Not even Axel. Maybe you should think about that."

Threats. As he turned and walked away, I was reminded of Axel's words. "Spend too long afraid of breaking rules, and you'll end up in someone else's control." Barely here a week, and already I'm being told how to act, under orders to stay quiet and well behaved. My life is my own. I'll make my own mind up on how I should act.I was _asked _to join this Organisation, and so far _none _of my questions have been answered. I'm starting to wonder why I'm here at all. Time to find some answers.

And with Axe down, maybe I should raise a little Hell. This place could use a little life.

I left the potion by his bed. When he wakes up, he'll need it more than me.

*later*

On the way back to my room, dropped in on Demyx and gave him whiskers.

I want to go back to Hollow Bastion, but it's too risky right now. I'm not exactly at my best, it would be stupid to charge in. Besides, I don't even know what it would achieve. I can hardly just stroll in, demanding answers from them. Guess my next best lead is to head back to Traverse Town. I still can't shake the feeling I should know it somehow.

Think I'll ditch the sweeping black coat for my Twilight Town clothes, less conspicuous.

*later*

This is so frustrating! Every step I take, I already _know _where it will take me. I went into the second district, and without even knowing _why, _I'd already drawn my Keyblades before the first heartless appeared.

Before I got there, I couldn't have told anyone _anything_ about the districts, but the second I was there I knew where everything was! And this time it was so much stronger than before, the feeling of familiarity. Before, when I tried to remember my Somebody, there was nothing there… but that place, I _know _I've been there. I'm certain of it. It's not just like something from a dream anymore, I _know_ it. Either that place has triggering my memory, or something's happening to Sora.

He's been there. Stuff like "Sora was here!" is scribbled on half the walls in chalk. Would have expected someone to have washed it off by now, but nobody seems to mind it. Asked most of the shop owners if they knew anyone by his name, but they all seem to be new. Apparently the old accessory shop owner, Cid, used to talk about him all the time.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Hi there, since I wrote this a fairly long time ago I can't help but feel my writing style isn't up to par. Some feedback would be really helpful, and give me an idea of if I should go back and re-write some bits. Thanks!

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

**ROXAS: 29****th**** November**

Xemnas called for another meeting today.

On my way past Demyx's room I heard incoherent wailing. Knocked, but there was no answer. Ventured inside slowly, and was presented with the most dramatic freak out I've ever seen: Demyx storming around his room in stripy blue pyjamas, one hand pulling madly at his hair while the other scrubbed franticly at his face with a flannel. There was a gleam of madness in his eyes.

Smothered a chuckle. "Need a hand Demyx?"

"WHY? _Why_ won't it come off?" he brandished the flannel at me, splattering water everywhere, and revealing the horribly smudged lines.

I backed away, torn between bursting into an outright cackle, and fleeing for my life. "Er.. soap?"

"You think I haven't _tried_ soap Roxas?" his eye twitched violently "What do you take me for? An _IDIOT?"_ he slapped the flannel to his face and resumed scrubbing, his free hand now clawing at the air in front of him. A part of me was surprised he didn't have his Cleaning Clones on the job. Of course, this thought caused me to let out a monster snort. He turned to me, eyes narrowing, flannel frozen on his left cheek.

"You! You know something!"

"Er…"

"Who did it? _TELL ME!_"

A flash of inspiration, and I could _feel _the Axel Grin spreading across my face.

"Xaldin"

Hah. Bastard. He deserved it.

Asked Demyx to keep the Big Reveal to himself though, what with how I wouldn't want to stir up any more trouble after recent events. We went to the meeting together. Told him to wear his hood up, since the whiskers showed no signs of fading. Guess these uniforms really do have their uses.

When Xaldin made it into the room, Demyx leapt up, pointing the finger of _judgement _and shouted "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" at the top of his lungs. Nearly fell off my chair in silent hysterics at the look on Xaldin's face. Priceless.

Was dreading another list of questions without Axel to but in - he's _still_ outcold - but The Superior just wanted to dish out punishments. Apparently I'm on every shift of Heartless Duty with Xigbar, Xaldin and Axel until we all learn get along. Guess it could be worse. It's annoying more than anything. How am I supposed to find out more about Sora if I'm stuck at the castle every night?

*later*

Oh my _God. _There is nothing in all the _worlds _that could possibly be a worse punishment than this.

Xaldin's speciality is wind attacks. The Pun Master was present. _Why_ did I not see this happening?

And Xaldin didn't even stop him! In fact, he was grinning! Grinning under the onslaught of endless fart jokes! Who does that? It was driving me crazy, there was _visible twitching, _andhe just carried on, looking happy as anything!The sadistic bastard! He _knows! _I bet he knows it's killing my soul!

I have another shift with them tonight. And another after that, and another. _Endless._ I'm going to be punned to death.

I think my sanity is slipping.

Considering suicide.

Axel had better wake up soon. I don't think I can take much more of this alone!

*later*

AARRRGGGHHH! Totally snapped after the last shift. Made the mistake of asking Xigbar if he knew where Demyx was.

"In da hood." *insert gangsta pose* I just went nuts. Half way through the laugh at his own joke, the little things that have been driving me crazy all day came out in some kind of booming, shrill rant that left them beyond speechless.

"Oh my _god,_ you're a fecking _genius! _Because he's wearing his hood. Oh the _hilarity! _Somebody _save me_ from your epic wit!" saw Xaldin smirk from the corner of my eye. "And you! What do you even think you're doing? Don't smile like this is _funny!_ The two of you have been driving me mad _all day_. If I have to be stuck with you the least you could do is _try _to act like you're not idiots! What kind of evil doer uses puns? You're a disgrace to the Organisation! Oooh, threatening! Watch out worlds, or we might beat you down with the power of sickeningly predictable humor! It's bad enough I have to trust you to watch my back out there after what you did, but _seriously,_ how can anyone be this annoying?"

"Trust? Nobodies don't trust."

"_Don't scoff at me, hairy!_ There is a limit to how much faical hair one person should have! …"

I went on for a while. Completely spazzed out and started striding around the room, throwing my arms around for emphasis.

'Course, that's when Axel had to saunter in, that same old grin fixed on his face, clapping. Eurgh. How embarrassing.

Tried to calm down, I really did. But then Xigbar had to just let out _one more pun_. Lightning, _bitch! _Argh.

Axe thought the whole thing was hilarious. Should have known he would. Drama King.

Slumped in the nearest seat while Axe blathered on about how he totally had everything under control back at Memorys Skyscraper. It all kind of merged together, I was far too tense to really pay attention until he said "Hey Roxy! Rox! Check it out! _Who am I!_" emerging from the fridge with a manic grin, and huge dripping sideburns made of squirty cream. It dribbled down his cheek.

"I don't think we can be friends anymore."

"Ah, come on! You know you missed my comedy genius!"

Maybe I did. Just a little bit.

**AXEL: 29****th**** Nov**

Wow, I did _not _see that coming.

Stupid thing is, I should have. I usually would have. This is what I get for letting myself get too comfortable. I'm part of an evil organisation for Christ's sakes! What was I even _thinking _rushing to do someone a favour? I should have just kept out of it, like Luxord suggested. I was lucky, or Roxas was stupid, coming to get me like that. Either way, there's no guarantee that if I slip up like that again I won't be dead.

There was a potion by my bed when I woke up. Don't care who's it was, I needed it. Have my suspicions though. Stupid, noble kid. Doesn't he _know _he's breaking the rules of being a Nobody by being such a sap?

Maybe he's trying to butter me up. Thinks I'll be mad at him for everything or something. That's probably why he came to find me in the first place. It is kind of his fault I took on his patrol, after all. Idiot. Getting himself hurt like that.

Though I did kind of dig my own grave with the Xaldin and Xigbar business.

Not my fault nobody here's got a sense of humor.

I was really in trouble at Memorys Skyscraper. Rox arrived like some kind of miracle. Epic timing. Wouldn't have liked hitting the ground. Thought things would be easier with the two of us fighting, but then he had to go and pass out, leaving all the hard work to me.

Barely made it back in the state I was in, virtually collapsed on the doorstop. Heartless were trying to get in through a giant hole in the front door. No idea why. Not like there's any hearts to steal in this castle. Maybe they don't know that yet. Last thing I remember seeing is Dem running towards us. He was probably just looking for an excuse to leave the fight, but I'm still glad he got us to the infirmary.

Well, guess I'd best go see what the consequences of all this are.

*later*

Walked into the kitchen to what must have been the end to a long and very enthusiastic rant. Rox was flailing his arms around like crazy, storming around with a face full of fury.

" – _hairy!_ There is a limit to how much facial hair one person should have! I could get _trapped _in those sideburns, and _die _before I found the way out! You have _crossed_ the line! Crossed it and moved onto some kind of ugly beard-sideburn hybrid that no man has ever before been stupid enough to try and pull off. You _**fail**_, by the way."he made wild chopping motions in the air, and whirled at Xigbar "And the puns! They have to end! Every time you open your mouth, I _die a little inside! _You're not remotely funny! In fact, you _sicken me!" _a slight pause and an angry squint "To the _coooore."_

My God. Kid's got no idea how hilarious he is. I burst into applause.

"Roxas, alright! Fight, fight, fight! Mansex said we were all to get along, but this is _far _more entertaining."

Rox looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "Augh! Axel!"

"Your freak outs are fantastic, Rox." Oh how I missed that twitch. Xaldin rubbed thoughtfully at his facial hair.

"How long have you been standing there? How long have you even been _awake?_" a pause, and then "Wait, who the Hell's Mansex?"

"Calm down, I only just got back on my feet. Thanks for that by the way, Xaldin, Xigbar. Nice of you to cast me out like that. I take it nearly killing makes us even?"

Xaldin nodded "For now."

"Yeah. You could say we really gave you the _axe._ Heh, get it? 'Cuz you're _Axe-_"

"AURRRGHHHHHH! _DAMN YOU!_" Pahahaa!

Xaldin made a quick side step as, for the second time, Xigbar was lifted from his feet and crispy fried by a bolt of lightning from Roxy. He turned away from the smoking body and made a claw hand in my direction.

"Don't you _ever _leave me alone with them again!"

Aah, it's good to be back.

*later*

Seems Roxy's kept my traditions alive while I was unable to do so myself. I'm not complaining, shakes the blame off me. He's far too good at it though.

Walked into the corridor in time to see Xaldin get hit by a tidal wave. Rox burst out laughing, like it was _normal._

"What just happened?"

"Oh, Demyx hit Xaldin with a wall of water again."

"Did I miss something? Since when does Dem lose control of his attacks?"

"Never"

"So when did he start randomly attacking people? _Ever? _He hates fighting!"

"Since I made him think it's Xaldin that keeps writing on his face." An evil grin. "He's been _accidentally_ doing it all day."

"I'm away for a day, and everything goes crazy! Nicely done!" clapped him on the back. Aahh my little protégé, all grown up and causing havoc. Brings a tear to my eye. Well, you know, metaphorically. Having no heart makes it a bit tough to turn on the waterworks.

"Hasn't Xaldin told him it wasn't him?"

"He thinks Demyx is against what they did to you."

Now _that's _a nice touch.

*later*

Nicked some mega potions from Mansex's private stash. He always keeps the best stuff for himself, and it's not just Roxy that can do fancy tricks with locks. We'll probably need them on tomorrow's shift anyway. I'm not turning my back on the others for a second without some back up.

**ROXAS: 30****th**** November**

Had another dream last night. I was in Twilight Town, but little things were different. Market Street was lined with palm trees, and the ocean was louder than usual, even in the winding streets leading up to the Station. I sometimes used to watch the kids that hung out on the clock tower. Their names were Hayner, Pence and Olette. I used to wonder why they got to be so happy when I was so lost. But in their place were different children. Instead of Twilight Town's sea salt ice-cream they were all eating some of a star shaped fruit, like the one Axel shared with me back when I was hurt. The oldest one – taller, with silver hair – said something that made a boy with brown hair blush. He rolled his eyes and threw the last of the fruit to a young girl, with red hair. She's the same girl from before, I know it. I just wish I knew who they were. If only I could have heard what they were saying. But are these memories, or just dreams? I don't know anymore. The brown haired one looked straight at me, and it was like the world stopped. He had my eyes. He must be Sora.

*later*

The constant patrols are starting to wear us down. When we're out there, everything blurs together. The snarling of the Heartless, fire blazing behind me, Axel guarding my blind spot as we fight back to back. He's taken to beating Xigbar to his one liners, which brings me endless amusement. Without him there to make all this fun, I'm sure I'd be tearing out my hair by now.

It's still frustrating though. I'm wasting time here. I'm not sure what my next step should be. In looking for Sora, all I've done is learn about _more _people I have to find. Namine, Cid.

Starting to thin down the Heartless though. Finally there's a chance to breathe every now and again.

Was surprised to see Xemnas walking from the Alter of Naught with Axel. Was ordered to take tomorrow off while Axe grinned like a maniac behind him, pumping his fist in the air. The superior looked behind him and rolled his eyes as Axe began an exuberant victory dance. Said dance ended in some air guitar, and a spin. I really shouldn't encourage him by watching. He bowed as I dished out a deadpan clap. Slung an arm around my shoulders.

"You may be worrying you'll waste your day off, but fear not! For I have a _plan!_"

"Shoot, Dancing Queen."

"No need to be jealous of my blatant superiority on the dance floor Roxy! Now listen up! Tomorrow we shall both pick a destination and go somewhere that the other thinks is worth a visit."

I thought about my dream last night. I needed to use the time I'd been given, but maybe the dream was a sign I should go back to Twilight Town. It will be nice to see it again.

"Done." We made our way back to our rooms, and I couldn't help but ask about Sora.

"Jeez Rox, we just got a day off, give a guy a break."

"_Please, _Axel! You're the only one who gives me answers! Do you know anything else? Anything at all?"

"Lay off, would you? Just leave it alone. I don't know anything."

"You wouldn't lie to me about this, would you Axel?"

He asked if it would even matter. Of course it would. He's the only one I can trust in this place. My only friend.

He was quiet for a long time after that. When we reached our rooms I expected to be stalked through the rug, like always, but he stopped by his door, back to me, and asked what I'd do if I found my Somebody. I said I didn't know.

He turned to me, and I've never seen him look so serious. If I didn't know any better I'd have thought he was angry. _Really_ angry. Livid. But then it passed, and he said "You'd better think of an answer soon, Roxas. I'd say of all of us you have the most chance of meeting your Somebody." Then his usual grin and a "No leaving me alone here, got it memorised? We're a team now."

Something in his eyes sent a chill down my spine.

*Later*

Went to visit Axe. Couldn't shake the look on his face from earlier. Presented him with a challenge to cheer him up. No more drawing on Demyx's face, after tomorrow, we both have to get somebody new, in time for the next meeting.

**AXEL: 30****th**** Nov**

Not really surprised at the punishment. Works to Mansex's advantage, after all. Surprised Rox hasn't clocked that yet. Nobody but him can really put an end to the Heartless. We just clear up the perimeter to stop them from getting out of control, but Roxy can send them up to Kingdom Hearts. Surprised Mansex didn't have him on every Duty from the second he joined the Organisation. Maybe it was only a matter of time anyway. Duty's not so bad when you've got back up. Two or three's usually enough to handle things. When you're alone though, there's just no end to them. You don't even get chance to create a portal and get the Hell out of there.

Gave Rox one of the Megapotions. Paid my debt. Xaldin and Xigbar can go to Hell.

*later*

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.

We're all here for different reasons. Xemnas wants power, Larxene and Marluxia were the same. And the others follow him around like idiots in the hopes of something better, being _complete. _Of having a heart. I think Demyx is just here because he has nowhere else to be.

And me? I'm my own person. I'll never lay down my life for anyone or anything. It's _mine._ Whoever my somebody was, they made it mine when they gave into the darkness. Why should I give up? Why should I die just because they weren't strong enough?

You can't tell me that it's fair. What makes _complete _people so damn perfect? Why should we aim to be like them? I've seen them do terrible things. For all their emotions they're no better than us. And you can't tell me that this anger, this _rage _isn't justified or real. Why should we lose everything? Why can't we take something from them instead for a change? God knows they don't appreciate what they have. They all just take everything for granted. Put them in our shoes for a day and I'm willing to bet black and white would fade to grey. We aren't really the bad guys.

I've seen people use false emotions to lie, and get what they want, like Xemnas. I've seen people use emotions against each other to hurt and break one another, like Siax. And to just give up, bow down and _die_ for someone just as capable of all the things we're hated for… to just fade away, for _nothing._

Sometimes I wonder if all the worlds deserve to be torn down in flames.

*later*

Went to the Alter of Naught. It's a good place to think. Besides, I had a bone to pick with Mansex. He always ends up here as night falls in before the second Heartless shift. Watches the Heartless swarming below and talks to Kingdom Hearts like it's listening. Like it gives a crap about our pathetic existence, our grand plans.

"Yo, Superior."

"Axel. What do you want?"

"Roxas… you gonna to tell him about Sora?"

He had the nerve to smirk. "Are you?"

That bastard. He knows I want to keep Rox here just as much as he does.

Wonderful, another similarity. Told him he should give us a break. After all, we're no good to him dead, and the constant patrols are starting to wear us all down. Though it _is_ fun beating Xigbar to his punchlines you can see coming from a mile away. He physically deflates, and pulls a face like a kicked puppy. Mwahaha.

I can't shake the feeling something big's going to happen. I'm never wrong about these things. I'll just have to watch my back, like always.

I spent this morning wondering how I'm going to fit Sora Searching into my new daily routine. Seems Roxy's been thinking pretty much the same thing. But it's like there's nothing else in his mind. His whole world has shrunk to Sora, Sora, Sora.

"Is he alive, Axel?"  
>"Maybe, who knows?"<p>

"But that would make him a Heartless, right?"

"That's usually how it goes, yeah."

Never mind _me_ not knowing what I'd do if I found Sora, what would Roxas do? "Hey there! I'm your other half!" Sounds like a bad pick up line. What even _happens_ when two halves of the same person meet? And what's so bad with Rox staying as he is? I can't help but think that if Roxas finds Sora, it'll be the end of him

Then he had to go and get all serious on me.

"You wouldn't lie to me about this, would you Axel?"

"Hey, I'm a Nobody. No point in playing the sincerity card. Besides, would my answer really make that much of a difference to you?"

"Yeah, it would."

*later*

Rox reckons we should give Dem a break before his sanity completely snaps. As it is he's refusing to sleep, drinking so much coffee he's got the shakes. He's started chuckling darkly to himself too. Shame really, was planning a masterpiece.

Still, all is not lost. Roxy's set up a new challenge.

Bring it, Blondie.


	5. Chapter 5

**ROXAS: 1****st**** December**

"Halloween town? Thought you'd at least take me to a world I've never been to."

"Jeez Rox, how about a little faith! Now, since it's the first of December, I thought it would be fitting if …" he came to a stop by a large tree in a clearing. "We went for a stroll in the snow."

"Snow?" He pulled open a door in the tree.

"After you."

Found myself in a street lined in candy canes and fairy lights. Gawped like an idiot. Could tell Axe was pleased with himself. His voice oozed smugness.

"Yeah. Not just anyone knows about this pla – "

Cut him off with an almighty belly cackle. Axel in a big fluffy green coat will _never _stop being funny.

"Laugh it up, Chuckles. We both know I make the obese coat _sexy._ Unlike _some._" Looked down at myself, and sure enough, I was wrapped up in my own monstrosity, though mine was white. "You're lucky though, that will be good for cover."

"Cover for… you're not going to tell me, are you?" He lead the way up the street, coming to a stop outside a large building with a clock above the doors. A bell rang and laughing children suddenly burst out. "What are we – "

"Get DOWN!" Was picked up and launched headlong into some nearby shrubbery. "Don't give away our _position!"_

Peered out of the bush, feeling utterly ridiculous.

"Wait. You… brought me here to see… children?"

"God no! I brought you here to own their munchkin asses!"

"Hey, Axe? … Make sense, would you?"

"Honestly. Roxy, can't you join the dots? Snow. Children. _Me._"

"Er… you're secretly a pedo?"

"Garrr!" He flailed madly, showering us both with lumps of snow.

"Damnit, just put on your helmet like a good little snow soldier!"

"Axel, this is a Santa hat."

"_What of it?_" He grabbed the hat and shoved it onto my head. I pulled it back up far enough to see, giving him what I've come to know as the Axel Glare. Only used in severe what-the-fuck situations. Like members of an evil organisation peering at little children from the bushes, apparently preparing to wage war. Axe tilted his own hat to a jaunty angle, batting the pom pom out of his eyes.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"Oh shut up and bask in my _awesome_." He leapt from the bushes, letting rip a mighty cackle and pelting the poor, unsuspecting children with half melted snowballs.

"Bwahahaaa! That's right kiddies! Cower in fear at my superior agility and snow skillz!" I stumbled out of hiding.

"You do _realise_ they're children, right?" I was getting worried. He'd clearly lost his mind. "It's not like they – "

Something hard collided with the back of my head. Whirled around to find at least 20 kids standing behind a snow fort which had materialised out of thin air – man, they worked _fast – _every single one was holding a snowball. One stepped forward, tossing his snowball in one hand. He grinned, and pointed directly at me.

"GET THE ENEMY!"

As the snowballs arched towards me, I abandoned my dignity and ran like a madman towards the nearest snow-bank. "AAUUUGHHHH! What the _Hell_ Axel?"

Looked up in time to catch him executing a dramatic knee slide towards me, lobbing snowballs as he went.

"You called?" He handed me a soggy snowball. "Ammo, my loyal compadre! Don't let your guard down, Rox! This is _warrr!"_Cue clenched fist of _emotion_. "They might be young, but they _live _here. I've yet to find any competitors that match them._"_

"What the – ? You've done this before?"

"Oh yeah, I'm a regular! Never shown anyone else before though."

He peered over the snow-bank and received a snowball to the _face. _It melted in a second, steam rising from his hair. He must have seen my confusion.

"Ah, fire affinity thing."

"Wouldn't have thought snow would have been your thing then."

"Well, I never get cold for one. Plus, half melted snowballs are much more satisfying on impact than the ones that just bounce off." He rubbed his hands together, chuckling to himself. "Time to get stuck in there, Pansy. I'll never let you live it down if you hide from a bunch of kids armed only with snow!"

A wink and a salute, and he hurdled himself over the snow-bank, rolling army style towards some nearby trees.

I couldn't help but wonder why anyone would do this to relax. Still, the snow was starting to soak into my coat, and it was time to make a _stand_. I was preparing to shoot the little creeps with Blizaga when Axe called out from the trees.

"No cheating now, Roxy! Snowballs _only._" Gahh. How did he even _know?_

"Fine. _Fine!_" Figured I may as well go out with a bang. Flew from hiding, dodging snowballs coming at me from every angle. Took aim, and BAM! Got the leader, and sent him flailing into a bush. "That's for earlier!" dove wildly to avoid another missile, not even realising I was grinning like crazy until Axe materialised in front of me with an expression to match.

"That's the spirit Rox! Usual Heartless drill?"

"Let's show them how it's done, soldier!"

We gathered our weapons quickly, knowing the leader would be back on his feet in seconds, the others had rushed to rescue their fallen comrade. He emerged from the bushes, bits of fern poking out of his bobble hat. He pulled at his mittens. Oh it was _on._ He squinted in my direction and shoved his fist in the air.

"REVEEEENGE!" We crouched next to our twin piles of snowballs. Too late they realised we'd had time to formulate a counter attack. Shot Axe a grin and let fly. Axe virtually exploded in glee.

"WooohooOOO! Taste _melting snow_, kiddies!" Cries of "RETREAT! BACK TO THE FORT!" filled the air as they scrambled away. Got the leader again. Get _in_.

Totally slipped as I threw my last snowball. Oh the indignity. Landed in a heap.

"What – where – did we win?"

"Time will tell little buddy."

The ground rumbled, and a giant tube rose out from within the fort opposite us. I searched for cover. There was nothing.

Axe seemed horrified.

"What the – when the Hell did you get _that?_"

The kids cheered. "Santa gave it to us!"

All I could think was '_Santa? _Ok, we are officially in the World of What-the-fuckery.'

The leader jumped up onto the fort. "FOR SANTAAA!" He bellowed, and then "FIIIIIIRE!" a hissing sound, and then 30, maybe 40 snowballs came hurtling straight towards us. Heard a wail of "Roxy! _NooooOOOO!_" And Axe flung himself in front of me, arms spread wide. Each snowball hissed on impact, as steam rose off his body. He fought through the onslaught to wave an arm and scream "TRUCE! TRUUUCE!" the machine stopped as the little bobble heads high fived and jumped for joy.

Leader and a little girl strode out across no-man's land looking far too pleased with themselves. Water flew in droplets from Axel's hair as he span and offered me a hand to get up.

"Well played Lanky, but we win again!" Collective cheer from the others.

"Yeah, well played ass-face. Until next time, then. You never know what will happen!" They saluted each other and turned in unison to march away. The little girl stepped forwards shyly. "Er, Mr… me and some of the others were wondering… what's your name?"

Axe whirled around, face a picture of glee. "Aaah, young child, I have many names! Snow King! Fire Man! Dancing Flurry of the Half Melted Snowballs! Lord of the – "

" – Um… thank you Mr Snow Man, but…" she blushed. "I meant him. Your cute friend." Nearly fell over again at the look on Axe's face. He spluttered "But, but what about _meee? _I'm thecool one!"

"Sure you are, Mr _Snow Man_." Kicked myself internally for the pun. Luckily Axe was to mortified to notice it.

"Oh shut up before I –"

"Before you what? Dance at me with half melted snow? Oh flurry master pleeease, _no!_ Have mercy!" Dodged the hat thrown my way. "Name's Roxas, Kid. Now go catch up with your friends before they leave you behind."

Turned to find Axel pouting at the ground, arms crossed.

"Aww, don't sulk Mr S –"

"I'm _not _sulking."

Couldn't resist, threw a snowball at the side of his head.

"_Gargh!_ MUTENY!"

Cackled heartily.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I'm sure your fans over there – wait, are you shivering?"

Hadn't even realised I was so cold I'd been having so much fun. Stupid light affinity! He swooped behind me, putting his coat over my shoulders. Warmth seeped through the layers. Grinned up through chattering teeth.

"Great. Now I look even fatter. You ok though?"

"Oh, sure thing. Honestly, cold doesn't affect me." To prove his point he flopped back into the snow in his tank top and made a snow angel. When he moved out the way I added devil horns. "There. Seems more fitting. Hey, Axe. If you could be an angel or a Devil, which would you be?"

"Devil, no question. All that fire and brimstone? _Awesome!_ Yourself?"

"An Angel. I've always wanted to fly. There's something about the sky. Sometimes I have dreams I'm falling through it, but I'm never scared. I'm always just on my way somewhere."

"I wonder why nobody seems to think devils could fly."

I really enjoyed Axel's choice. I can't remember ever having so much fun. It was all so simple. I even forgot that I shouldn't be laughing, shouldn't _feel_ happiness. For a moment, I was every bit as whole as those kids running in the snow.

*later*

As for my choice, I wanted to sit on the clock tower with Axe, like I'd seen those kids do so often. I just wondered what it was like, to sit and talk with a friend while the red sun glittered on the sea below. Watching the world go by with someone nearby… it was nice.

Axel told me some things about Sora. He seemed scared for the first time since I met him. I… I think he might be scared of losing me. Of me going away.

But I don't know if I should ask. Because if he asks me to stay, I know I can't promise anything.

**AXEL: 1****st**** Dec**

My choice was (as expected) an _outrageous_ success. Ass-face won again. Thought with Roxy's help I could finally take him down, but I just wasn't prepared for that machine of his. Dirty cheat. Could tell Rox enjoyed himself too. It was written on his face when we left.

He opted for a trip to Twilight Town. Nobody paid any attention to our sweeping black coats as we walked through the busy streets. Guess they've not had any Organisation trouble to watch out for.

"So Rox, why here?"

"I just… like it here. I wanted to see it again."

"Would have thought you'd want to see a new world. Why the sudden rush of nostalgia? Not like this place is going anywhere."

"Yeah. Twilight Town's not going anywhere."

Didn't like his tone, but the snowball fight had put me in a good mood, so I let it slide.

"Cool, cool. Where we headed anyway?"

"The clock tower. Nothing too exciting, by your standards." A fleeting smile "Don't fall off though, I don't want to have to rescue you again."

"Har har. Very funny. Will _this_ rescue also involve me carrying _your_ limp body back to safety?"

We climbed the stairs of the clock tower while bells chimed above us.

He swung his legs over the ledge and stared out across the town like he'd never seen anything like it. He held up something blue. "Here. I know it'll melt pretty fast, but it's tradition." It was an ice cream. Strange as it seems, I'd never tried one before. Wasn't ready for the saltyness, thank God Rox missed my expression.

Flopped over the ledge and fought a losing battle with my dripping ice cream.

"Hey Axe?"

"Mfmm?" The stuff wasn't bad once you got over the initial shock. Wonder who came up with it.

"Do you think your Somebody's out there?" Ah that, again. No escape.

"All this Nobody, Somebody business, I don't think it really matters in the end. I mean, you're a Somebody to me. Nobody can make me believe you shouldn't be here, you know? Right and wrong is relative. Anyone who thinks otherwise should get the Hell off their high horse and take a walk in our shoes. That's what I think anyway."

"Huh. Never thought of it that way"

"That mean you're giving up on Sora?"

"No. If there's a chance of something _more_ out there I think you should give your all to find it. Even if it will just bring you more questions."

"But where does it stop, Rox? What if you spend the rest of your life looking for something you'll never find?" he swung his legs, looking thoughtful.

"That's the difference between you and me, Axel. I know there's more out there. And I'm going to find it, no matter what it takes."

"What if it takes _everything?_"

"I have to know."

I watched a train pass by below, wondering what I should do. I'd kill anyone who kept information I wanted that badly to themselves, but if I told him anything, he'd probably run off to be a little detective. The penalty for leaving the Organisation is death, but Rox is so headstrong I'm sure that wouldn't mean a thing to him. I thought about Mansex and his little smirk of superiority, keeping all the information to himself, using everyone around him, but never giving anything back. I took a deep breath.

"We've all seen signs of Sora acros the Worlds. He leaves his mark wherever he goes. A hero that fought Ansem and closed a tide of Heartless away in the darkness before the Worlds could be over run. Personally, I've no doubt you're Sora's Nobody. You're always doing stupid things he'd approve of. Everywhere he went became a better place because of him. You're the same Rox. You might not know it yet, but you've changed a few things in the Organisation."

Roxas stared at me, eyes burning with every new bit of information he took in. I didn't add that the thing which seemed to be changing most was me.

"You're not the only one who's been looking for Sora. A while back I checked out the world he came from, and Castle Oblivion. I'm sure he's with Namine. She's a special Nobody. One of a kind. She re-wrote Sora's memories. As I said though, he's a special kid. His words must have had some kind of affect on her. She went against the Organisation to protect him, and I'm sure she's been fixing the damage she did to Sora's mind. That's why we can't find him anywhere. And when someone has a whole universe to hide in, where do you even start looking?"

"Why have you been looking for him?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." Held the stick from my ice cream between my fingers and set it alight.

"What happened to Namine?"

"The Nobodies at Castle Oblivion were traitors. They lost their lives for scheming against the Organisation. She… managed to slip past us in all the confusion."

"Axel, thank you."

I watched the fire burn.

**ROXAS: 2****nd**** December**

BWAHAHAHA! The challenge turned out far better than anything I could have hoped for. God bless Demyx and his completely unexpected plans of revenge. Oh the _timing! _It was _perfect._

Nearly cackled myself into oblivion when Axe woke me with his usual loom over my face and a "Rise and shiiiine Roxy!" The twin hearts I drew over the tattoos on his cheeks look even more hilarious when he talks. They bob around and _everything. _Settled for a grin that I suspect may have permanently changed the shape of my face. He went into the meeting with _no _idea I'd picked him to be my victim.

Of course, thought it would all be over once he saw nobody else had been struck down by me in the night, but then Xaldin walked in with scribbles all over his face.

Huge shock, but a fantastic coincidence for me. Axe congratulated me with a quick salute while I searched the faces of the other members for his handiwork. Couldn't help but stare like a complete idiot when Xemnas pulled down his hood and freaked out. "MANSEX" stamped right on his face. Oh. My. God.

Almost missed Demyx walking in, catching sight of Xemnas and Axel, and running out again. Aaah, poor Demyx.

Walking back it was all I could do to splutter "_M…_ _MANSEX?_"

"Yeah, I know. I'm the _master._"

"But… just… _why!_"

"Anagram, Rox!" We carried on down the corridor in silence for a while, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. He went after The _Superior!_

"_MANSEX?_"

"Oh come on! Anagrams are so cool! Intelligent! Funny! They ooze wit." A pause as he slung an arm around my shoulders. "Just like me!"

"Anagrams: the new _sexy._"

"You think I'm sexy Roxy? Ah, you should have said before!"

Pushed him off with a laugh.

"You're such an idiot."

"Nonesense. I'm _hot!" _He clicked his fingers, flames bursting into life and dancing across his fingers. Great. A pun. Clearly the time spent with Xigbar has affected him.

"Mind out, your giant ego might catch fire and kill us all. You're such a show off." He made a big show of slumping and looking depressed. "Still, at least I know who Mansex is now."

"Yeah. This little challenge of yours was a blast."

"You have _no _idea."

*later*

I'm so _sick_ of having my questions brushed off as nothing. Siax replaced Xigbar and Xaldin on patrol today. Asked him what he knew about Xemnas's plans, or if he knew anything about Namine. All I got was a cruel smile, and the words "It is not our place to question The Superior." before another wave of Heartless hit us. Axel shook his head and gave me the strangest look before he dove in, throwing his chakrams into a group of Neoshadows.

I'm starting to think I'm the only one in the dark here. Axel gives me little bits of information, when he feels like it. But how much does he really know? How much do any of them know? If they don't know anything that could help me, I'm just being used… but even if they do have any answers for me, I'm still just their puppet because they aren't _telling_ me anything.

After the shift, I went straight to see Xemnas. Axel said I'd probably be able to find him at The Alter Of Naught. He was right.

"Superior. I need to speak to you."

"Speak, Number XIII. " He tried to smooth down his hair, which served only to make the fading "**MANSEX**" more noticeable. Still, I couldn't help but frown. It's not often I'm addressed as my number, but it doesn't help my growing suspicions I'm seen as more of a tool than a person. Not that a Nobody has the right to be seen as an individual. Or so the others would probably say. I think Axe is about the only one of us that doesn't think he needs a heart to be himself.

"I joined this group because you said I'd get answers."

"And you will."

"When?" He turned to stare at Kingdom Hearts, glowing in the sky.

"What do you want? A different assignment? Different partners?"

"No, I just want _answers!_"

"If you are patient, the answers will come. When Kingdom Hearts is complete –"

"When? When will that be? And why are you the only one who knows about Kingdom Hearts? Why aren't you telling us anything?"

"If you are so eager to complete Kingdom Hearts, I suggest you pull more shifts. Every Heartless killed by your Keyblades brings us closer to our goal."

"_Our_ goal? Kingdom Hearts is _your _goal! I just want to understand! Is that so much to ask?"

"I'm sure if circumstances were different, sympathy would be in order. However, as a Nobody, I can only offer you my most sincere apologies that an entire Organisation has not ground to a halt to attend to your every whim and query."

"But you've not answered _anything!_ In my first meeting, Axel mentioned another keybla–"

"Number XIII. Remember your place. You are a Nobody. Here by my invitation. Do not forget that without me, your questions will _never _be answered. Have patience." I glared at his back. It was suddenly clear that Xemnas doesn't ever plan to tell me anything. My hands started to shake.

"Yes, Sir. I understand."

I left before could do something stupid.

Maybe I should have taken him up on the offer of a different assignment? Demyx is getting nowhere with Hollow Bastion, but Luxord is going to Wonderland. I've never been there before, but maybe Sora has. I don't much like the idea of spending more time with Siax. I get the impression everything I do around him is reported back to Xemnas in a flash.

*later*

Went back to ask if I could change tomorrow's assignment. Figured Xemnas wouldn't be too pleased I was taking up more of his time, but as it was he was already talking to Axel.

"Roxas is getting impatient."

"What have you told him?"

"Bits and pieces."

"Make sure he doesn't learn too much. He is still needed."

Everything slowed down. Before I knew it Axel was turning towards the corridor, expression thoughtful. I quickly made a portal and faded into the blackness, reappearing in my room.

Fine. I see how it is. Axel is just as much Xemnas's tool as the others. Why did I think he was so different? I should have known there was a reason for him spending so much time with me. I can't believe I didn't see it. I can't believe he just… I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore. But staying here is getting me nowhere.

"Be sure he doesn't leave."

I'll make my move tomorrow.

I wonder if anything he said was the truth. I wonder if he thinks of me as a friend, or an assignment.

**AXEL: 2****nd**** Dec**

When challenged by one's protégé, it's virtually Pranking Law to pull out all the stops. So naturally, I had to go to the top. Mansex improved his security since I stole those potions. Meaningless! It was still a cinch for a genius like me to get in. Excuse me while I take a moment to gloat.

_Man_. I'm fantastic. Daring, skillful, stealthy, hilarious… in fact, I'm downright _Godly_.

Roxas knows it. His smile was virtually overpowering whenever he looked my way this morning. Must be a privilege to know someone as amazing as me.

But yes, clearly I win. Rox got Xaldin. Strange choice, but understandable. Smarmy git. Not sure quite why he opted for musical notes, but hey, whatever.

Quiet settled over the room, Xaldin looking murderous in his chair, cheeks peppered with smudged lines and notes. Mansex pulled down his hood.

He looked like he wanted to cry. Or kill something. Pushed back his bangs to reveal **"MANSEX" **scrawled by yours truly right across his forehead. Clamped my hands over my mouth. A hysterical laugh bubbled to the surface as he screamed "**WHO** IS RESPONSIBLE FOR **THIS?**" jabbing at the word wildly. Roxas gawped. Dem strolled in late, took a quick look around, hid his face in his hands, wailed "NOBODY IS SAAAAFE!" and ran straight back out the door. Hahaha! Little psycho.

Mansex pulled his hood back up and surveyed us all. "This foolishness must end! Who is the culprit?" Naturally, me and Rox made a point of looking Xigbar's way.

A furious rant ensued. Caught bits and pieces as smug haze of glory settled over me.

" – _Ruining_ our image!" " –havoc on my complexion!" " – cast out of The Organisation and _annihilated!_" He clutched his chair, attempting to regain control of himself. I made a mental note to write "Beauty Queen" next time.

Far as Organisation business was concerned, Xigbar and Xaldin have been taken off Heartless Duty for now. As expected, Roxas is on them to use his Keyblade, not learn to get along with the others. Apparently there's some business Xaldin started at Beast's Castle that he needs to carry on with. Xigbar is his back up. Rox looked like he wanted to leap at me for a high five, but caught himself just in time.

I wonder if Dem's stopped attacking Xaldin in random corridors yet. Hope not.

Anyway, we're still on duty. Siax will be working with us tonight. Bet he sucks all the fun out of it.

Xigbar spent the whole meeting laughing shamelessly, wiping the occasional tear from his eye. Suppose the sudden exposure to genuinely funny humour was just too much for him to handle.

*later*

Followed Rox when he went looking for Mansex. He was on edge for the whole shift. He's always been a good fighter, but today the kid was like lightning. The few moments of calm between fights he spent asking Siax questions. Naturally, the guy was about as responsive as a rock. No help at all. Xemnas this, Xemnas that. He's clearly after his man-babies. When Roxas realised he wasn't getting answers, his face changed. His eyes went blank, and he drove through the masses of Heartless, looking more savage than I've ever seen him. Arms moving in a blur all around him, nothing in his wake surviving even long enough to see more than a blur of colour against the blackness as the Keyblades arched through the air. All with the same empty expression that just didn't belong on his face. He didn't speak another word until the shift was over, and he needed to know where he could find Mansex.

Listened at the entrance to The Alter of Naught. Rox got quite worked up. I would have warned him not to get his hopes up but he stormed off before I could. He must have been really preoccupied not to notice me following him. He walked straight past me when he left. Didn't even see me. It's like he's not even here, he's so caught up in all his questions.

"Yo, Mansex!" Aaah, it felt good to finally address him by his true name. He twitched. "You got pretty fierce at the meeting this morning."

"Once the culprit is found, they will be _punished._" He rubbed absently at the fading letters.

"Surprised you haven't blamed me yet. It's the usual course of action after all. In your book, I'm to blame for just about everything around here." I tried to look hurt. Think the beaming smile might have ruined it slightly.

"Yes, but it would seem this time that's not the case. All things considered, I would have thought you'd be as eager as me to find whoever is responsible." He looked pointedly at my face, and the pieces fell into place.

Roxas didn't go after Xaldin at all.

"There's something on my face, isn't there?"

"You didn't know?"

Oh, Roxy. Does our Pranking Partnership mean _nothing _to you? I'm shocked. Shocked and _appalled. _

Still, not like I didn't think of going after him. Just decided I had bigger fish to fry.

And it is kind of funny. He gave me twin hearts. I feel like a cherub. And the irony of hearts is not lost on me. Hah. No wonder Dem freaked. I bet he's behind Xaldin. Revenge. _Notes._ God, Rox was right. I really am an idiot.

But I digress. Back to Mansex.

"Is there something you wanted, Number VIII? I've been interrupted once today already."

"Yeah I heard. Roxas is getting impatient."

"What have you told him?"

"Bits and pieces."

"Make sure he doesn't learn too much. He is still needed." Yeah, like I know anything anyway.

"He's got guts, standing up to you like that. He's serious about finding answers."

"He's proven to be a… volatile member of the group. I doubt your company has been a good influence."

"Nonesense. I'm the perfect role model! Obedient, quiet, a regular wallflower!"

"Quite." He never laughs at my jokes. Uptight bastard. "Be sure he doesn't leave."

"Sure, sure. Whatever. But maybe if you told him something, even something small…a hint, a clue… he'd calm down and maybe we wouldn't have to worry about him leaving at all."

Thought I saw a flash of movement in the corridor once I was dismissed. Must have been nothing.

*later*

It's late. Just went in to see Rox while he was asleep (rug makes it far too easy to sneak in). Planned on a little revenge for the hearts I haven't quite managed to completely erase. But when I got there he just looked so small. I took in the room. Organisation coat – usually hung in place on the wall – in a heap on the floor, books and papers strewn across a desk that's usually clear except for a little blue book. Something's been wrong with him since he talked to Siax, and I know change is on the way. I just don't know if there's anything I can do to stop it. Everything's unravelling.

Don't think I'll get much sleep tonight.

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**Thanks to the amazing** cynajowett2405 (who I gave this story to as a present one fine Christmas) for drawing this adorable picture of the Christmas Town Adventure : (take out the spaces to see)

h t t p : / / c y n a j o w e t t 2 4 0 5 . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m / a r t / R o x a s - a n d - A x e l - S n o o o o o w - t i m e - 1 3 7 1 5 9 3 2 2


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: **Hi there, just thought I'd let you know this is the final section of the story. If you've made it this far then thanks for reading, and I really hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if you think it should be re-done, as I'm still a bit sceptical about some of it. Thankyouuu!

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**ROXAS: 3****rd**** December**

Avoided Axel this morning. Tried to anyway. Ate breakfast with Luxord, who was up early to start his new mission in Wonderland. Don't know why I even bothered starting a conversation with him, after last time.

"So. How come you're on this mission alone? It's unusual." He laid a pack of cards on the table.

"Scouting mission. Investigate the Queen of Hearts' potential as a Heartless. No back up is needed."

"Ah."

Demyx marched in, twitching violently and muttering something about caffeine. Bet he didn't sleep again last night. I gave him a wave but all I got was a bloodshot glare while he clutched a jar of coffee to his chest. Luxord handed me half the cards.

"Here. Snap. Let's put that speed of yours to the test, shall we? Any of the same suit."

Played in silence for a while. Demyx fell asleep slumped over the counter, drooling onto the jar he was using as a pillow. Luxord dove in with a "Snap", swiping the cards in a flash.

"So, Roxas. What do you think Axel gets out of your – " a smirk as he placed the next card down "– friendship?" I looked up at him carefully.

"What do you think he gets?"

"With you backing him up he doesn't need to worry about the consequences of his actions. He can do whatever he wants. If we step in, you'll be in our way. And after your stunt with the door, The Superior made it obvious that your life is more valuable than any of ours. If we kill you without a direct order, we will be branded traitors. Axel always loved disrupting the natural order of things, and now thanks to you he has immunity for his childish games."

I glared. "The lapdog thing, right?" Put down my next card and added "Snap".

The cards in Luxord's hands suddenly burst into flames. A hand came down on my shoulder as Axel's voice rang out behind me, telling Luxord to leave.

Tensed as he sat opposite me. He started to ask me how much I believed, but all I could see in my mind was The Superior smirking as he brushed off all my questions.

"– I heard you talking to Xemnas yesterday. It's your job to keep me here, right?"

He flinched. I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere I wouldn't have to see him again.

He went into a panic, and I've never heard him sound so genuine. He said he was trying to get Xemnas to talk to me, that I'm his first friend. My mind flashed through scenes of him laughing as he faced the darkness alone on Memory's Skyscraper. Somehow I just can't believe that was staged. Found myself echoing words from a day spent laughing in the snow.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

Even if it was a lie, I'm glad I spent this time with him. Maybe this place hasn't been a complete waste of my time.

Still, it's time to make my move. I'll go tonight.

*Later*

There's so many places I'll never see, so many things I'll never do. New places won't feel the same without someone to share them with. But it's better this way. Nothing's mine. Not my future, not my face, _nothing._ It all belongs to someone else. To Sora.

I don't know what will happen to me, but at least from now on I'll know I'm not under someone else's control.

I'm sorry Axel. I wonder what we'll turn into one day, if it will be better or worse than what we started with, and if we'll recognise each other at the end of it all.

Thanks for the memories. I'd keep you in my heart, but I don't have one.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" He fixed me with the kind of look that could scar to the bone.

I hope we can meet again someday, in a world that's fair.

**AXEL: 3****rd**** Dec**

Rox didn't sleep in this morning. Was strange not to wake him up with my usual pounce. A perfectly good morning routine was ruined. Should have known it was the start to a bad day that would just get worse.

Found him in the kitchen with Luxord. Dem was asleep on the counter, he must not have been fast enough getting to the coffee.

Caught the end of their conversation, and kicked myself for not getting there sooner.

"Hey, Luxord. Don't you have to run off to Wonderland or something? Get going." After he left I sat opposite Rox and flicked some stray cards and ash off the table. Never been that good at holding back fire when people cross me.

"How much of that did you believe?" Dem gurgled in his sleep. Considered throwing him out, but he can sleep through just about anything, so I didn't see the point. Roxas didn't meet my eyes. "Do you really think I'm just using you?"

He stared at the table. "I don't think you're interested in helping me find Sora."

"What? But Roxy, I –"

"– I heard you talking to Xemnas yesterday. It's your job to keep me here, right?"

All I could think was 'Shit! _**Shit! **__**SHIT!**_'

"Roxas, it's… _Roxas_, would you just _look _at me?" Finally he faced me. "What Luxord said, it's not true. I'd rather fight my own battles than hide behind someone else. You know that. As for Xemnas, I don't know what you heard, but if you'd stuck around maybe you'd know that I tried to get him to tell you something, _anything._"

He stayed silent.

"Now you can take this any way you want to, but I really do hope you find what you're looking for. You deserve it, no matter what anyone says about us Nobodies and what we're worth, you _deserve_ your answers. But I've never had a friend before, Rox. If you leave, I don't think I'll bother again."

He just watched me.

"Well? _Damnit_ Rox, are you gonna say anything? At least let me know if you still think I'm just working for Mansex!" Searched his face for a reaction.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Finally a smile shone through the scowl. Victory!

"Ah, sanity's boring. Never been my forte." I brushed the last of the ash from the table with a grin. "If you ever need some fire though, I can do that like Nobody's business."

Roxy's eyes narrowed.

"What?"

"Did you just pun?"

Oh dear.

You know, I hope he really does believe me. It's the truth, after all.

*later*

The shift didn't make me feel any better. There were fewer Heartless than usual today.

"Do you think there's another life? After this one?"

"Why d'you ask, Roxy?" torched a Darkball that tried to sneak up on him. He finished it with a sweep of his Keyblade.

"If there is, I think I'd like to find you there."

"What's wrong with knowing me now?"

"You never know what's going to happen, right?" I lit my chakrams, as more Heartless appeared.

"_You_ know what's going to happen, don't you Rox? You're planning something."

The flames reflected in his eyes. I turned to look at Siax, fighting a Nightwalker and pretending not to listen. Roxas readied his Keyblades, and nothing more was said until we were making our way back towards our rooms.

"So what's your plan?"

"Would you stop making such a big deal about this? I was just thinking out loud."

I gestured at the deserted hallways. "Empty house, Rox. Nobody's around. I can make as much of a scene as I want. Nothing short of a nuclear blast can draw Mansex away from Kingdom Hearts when he really gets his egomaniac power rant on. Besides, one of us should stir up some drama. This is a big event!

"What is?"

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

He stopped in his tracks, still and silent.

I knew it.

I watched his back as he turned and walked into his room

*later*

I waited for him in the corridor, watching light span out across the ground where the rug didn't quite reach the stone floor. I still wonder why he didn't bitch more about getting that fixed. Maybe he always knew he'd be leaving. That just makes me even more stupid for not realising sooner.

It seemed somehow fitting to be waiting in the shadows while he basked in the light. I thought I could hear the scratching of a pen on the other side of the rug. A part of me wondered if it was a goodbye note. Of course, it wasn't. It was just me thinking I was important enough to say goodbye to. The rug stirred as he walked out into the corridor. A glance towards my room, not so much as a wave, and he turned and started walking towards the Main Hall.

I pushed away from the wall, stepping out of the shadows, and into his path.

"Going for a stroll, Roxas?" His eyes widened. Did he really think I'd let him slip away just like that?

"Axel? What are you doing out here?"

"Oh I don't think what _I'm_ doing here is _nearly_ as interesting as what _you're _doing." I walked towards him slowly, one hand trailing along the wall as I went, and he _flinched._ Like I'd hit him or something. "What exactly _are _you doing here, Rox?"

I willed him to say he fancied midnight snack, or he was off to give Xigbar a swirly moustache. Instead, he backed towards his room and said "You know what I'm doing." Against the wall he glared up at me, jaw clenched.

"Don't look at me like that Roxy. I'm not the enemy."

"If you stand in my way, you're my enemy."

I leant on the wall opposite him, one leg propped up against the wall, arms crossed.

"Trust you to just walk out. No goodbyes, no speeches. Honestly, where's your sense of occasion? Thought I taught you better than that Roxy."

"Don't make jokes, Axel. You know why I couldn't come and say goodbye."

I couldn't help but grin. "In case I tried to talk you out of it, right?" His eyes flickered up and down the corridor. I wondered if I ran a hand across my face he'd be gone by the time I looked back up.

"You're really leaving?"

"Yeah. I have to." My stomach twisted at the cold steel in his eyes. That's when I knew he was serious. He was leaving. My mind flew into a panic. I had to say something, _do_ somethingbefore it was too late.

"No, you can't. I'll stop you."

"You won't." His stare now cold and blank. "You can't."

"I will. I'll come after you." Why was he so calm about everything? Like he wasn't making a huge mistake, like he wasn't throwing his life away. "I don't want you to go away! I want to see you smile every day! I want to mess around with the other members, go on adventures! We can work towards having hearts, together! Our own hearts, not someone else's! If… if you leave we'll have to kill you, and I can't let that happen!"

"What do you care? You can't even feel!"

"Neither can you! Don't act like you're different! Inside you're just as bare as the rest of us Roxas. Don't think you're special just because you know your other half is out there!"

"I have a chance to be complete! I thought you'd be happy for me!"

"Who cares about being complete? Why does everyone think they have to be so damn _perfect_? And as for "happy", talk about blank with a capital B. _Nobody,_ Roxas. And don't think it's jealousy, either. As convenient as that might be for you, _I can't feel_. But by all means, go on! Emancipate yourself! I've never seen a Nobody pull of denial before!"

"I have to get answers Axel!"

"So just wait! The Organisation –"

" – is nothing but a waste of time! I've been patient. I'm done waiting! I have to know! I have to find Sora!"

"You can't just leave, we're partners now!"

Finally something flashed behind his eyes. "It's not up to you. Besides, this place makes me feel trapped! I have to get out of here! I'm just running in circles... I need answers! Why do I keep having these dreams? Why do I have the Keyblades? I'm done being Xemnas's tool!"

"Everyone's caged. I've never met anyone who's completely free. We're the best bet you've got."

"You don't understand! At least you remember what you were like before. I've got nothing! All I know is this emptiness. When I search for reasons behind things, anything to live my life by, there's _nothing!"_

"So make your own reasons!"

"It's easy for you to say that! You know what it was like to have a heart!"

"D'you ever think maybe you're _lucky?_ The world's not a kind place, Roxas! 'I've seen some terrible things. I _remember_ terrible things. Can you even imagine what it's like to know who you used to be, and to hate it? Remember how it _felt _to be alive? Soaring and falling, that's all life used to be. Sometimes my chest felt like it would just burst open with the force of it all. And now, there's just nothing. I'm hollow. Every time I stop running from it with pranks and jokes, and look inside there's just the same empty space where my heart used to be. I don't even know what the point is anymore! Nothing registers. Nothing matters. There's just this stupid Organisation full of Nobodies that want to be whole, like that's all we need. Like if we're Somebodies again everything will be perfect." I slammed a fist into the wall behind me.

"But I remember my Somebody, and I've _never_ been someone to be proud of! I'm the leftovers of a greedy, stupid lab assistant. The dregs of a person too weak to resist the darkness. Even when I was _complete _I was still barely worth anything! You're telling me that's the best I've got to aim for?"

I strode towards him, words tumbling out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying.

"No! Fuck that! Now's our chance Roxas! I know if you leave now you'll fade away. When you're around it's like it doesn't _matter_ that I don't have a heart! You can't just disappear! I won't let you!" his shocked expression slowly fell back into the same blank stare.

"Did Xemnas give you that speech?"

"What?" he glared at the floor, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"That kind of thing might work on people who can feel, Axel, but as you've reminded me so many times, we're Nobodies. This is probably just a trick to make me stay. Everyone here knows if I was going to listen to anyone, it would be you."

"Oh, I'm so FLATTERED!" Fire ran through my veins. "You think this is a _trick?_" I surged forwards, eyes glittering and grabbed him by the fabric of his Organisation coat. Smoke rose from my fingers. Despite everything, I was somehow surprised when no tears rolled down my cheeks. "I wasn't _sent _here Roxas! The others don't even know what you're _planning._ I just – I had to – "

"– It doesn't matter. I've made my decision." I narrowed my eyes.

"No." The smell of burning leather filled the air between us.

"Yes. I leave tonight."

"_No._"

"You can't stop me." He let out a choked laugh as he finally looked into my eyes "Got it _memorized?_"

My hands fell slack, suddenly numb. I barely noticed the footsteps coming towards us until Dem's voice rang through the silence. "Hey guys! What's going on?"

Roxas searched my face, slowly lowering himself into a fighting stance.

"Nothing Dem. How come you're back so early?" Roxas relaxed slightly, but his eyes kept darting between me and Dem, waiting for one of us to make a move.

"Oh, we had to bail out. Leon ambushed us again. We think they've got some kind of – hey, what's wrong Axel? You sound funny. Did something happen?"

I cracked my neck, and with no idea _why, _began walking towards my room. My mind screamed at me to turn around and tell Dem to raise the alarm, call the others, and stop Roxas. I tossed a wave over my shoulder.

"Nah, don't worry about it Dem, I'm just tired. See you at tomorrow's meeting." I paused at the doorway. "Night Rox." The doorknob glowed red under my fingertips. "Think about what I said. Just think about it. Please."

*later*

Right about now, I'm almost glad I don't have a heart. I'm sure if I did I'd still be standing out there in the cold. I don't know what I was expecting when I followed him, but I had to try. I couldn't just sit here in my room, knowing what he was going to do.

I found him by Memory's Skyscraper. The streets were empty, the Heartless that usually appear from the darkness were nowhere to be seen. He walked straight past me like I wasn't even there.

"Your mind's made up?"

"Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."

No apologies, no goodbyes, just more questions. Why doesn't he understand?

"You can't turn on the Organisation!" I tried, I really tried, but it all came to nothing.

"No one would miss me." He walked away, didn't even look back as I replied "That's not true! … I would." I'm sure he thought it was just another trick. Another lie from a Nobody who can't feel.

But it wasn't.

Not that it matters. It's all over now. Roxas made it painfully obvious that I'm not worth his time. Our friendship? Meaningless to him. But you know what? He can leave, that's fine. Just throw me away and never look back. It's just fine... I'll let it all wash over me and move on. Not like it's ever happened before, I never let anyone in. Guess it's just a lesson learned. My God I'm an idiot. I always warned him not to trust me, so _why _did I think he was any different? Why didn't I listen to my own advice? From now on I'll stay strictly business with these emotionless bastards. For now I'll just have to burn away the only layer of trust I've ever known. But what do I care? I don't feel a thing, right? Not loss, not sadness. Not hate, not even betrayal.

Not a thing.

On the way back to my room I set his rug on fire and watched it burn until the stones around the doorway were blackened and burned. Red and blue turned to ash in the wake of the flames. Smoke ran along the ceiling in coils and waves. I sat against the corridor's wall, where I'd stood only hours ago, asking Roxas to stay.

Demyx came out of his room, eyes crusted with sleep. He looked from the smoke to me. I shook my head and waited for him to go back inside his room. When he shut his door I closed my eyes and leant my head on the wall behind me, breathing in the smoke. It seems fitting that in The World That Never Was, in The Castle That Never Was, I'd watch the embers of The Friendship That Never Was burn away to nothing.

**AXEL: 4****th**** Dec**

Today's meeting was a blur. Mansex fired endless questions at me while Dem wriggled around in his seat. I don't know why he stayed quiet, but I was thankful for it. Wouldn't really help if they realised I knew he was leaving and didn't spread the word.

We've been told to find him.

I can't believe he's really gone.

**AXEL: 5****th**** Dec**

Had a mission at The Colluseum today. Sora's name is up on all the boards. Typical for clues to arrive as soon as I'm not interested in them. Though I guess if I found him, Roxas would come to me eventually.

I don't know why I let myself believe he might come back. I've never mattered much, and that's not about to change. I was never all that important to anyone, and I'm not now.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's forgotten me already.

**AXEL: ****6****th**** Dec**

Went some places, did some evil.

God I'm bored.

What does it take to inject some _life_ into this place? Surely it wasn't always this mind numbingly dull before Roxas arrived?

Even stealing Dem's coffee doesn't seem fun without someone to laugh with me.

**AXEL: 7****th**** Dec**

Heh. I really am a masochist sometimes.

It was strange going into Roxy's room without him there. A circle of darkness flared out of the doorway, where my fire scorched the stones. Whole place was bare, except for a little blue book, and a Santa hat sitting in the middle of his desk, almost like he wanted me to find them.

"I hope we can meet again someday, in a world that's fair."

I doubt there is such a thing.

I remembered talk of demons and angels in the snow, and wished I could go back.

**AXEL:8****th**** Dec**

All the worlds can go to Hell for all I care. There's only one person I wanted to keep safe. Just my luck that it would be the one person out of my reach. Irony's a bitch.

I could have protected him from anything else, anything but himself.

Sometimes it's like his name is underneath my skin. There was a time he risked his life to save me, and now I can't do anything but wait for him to fade away.

**AXEL: ****9****th**** Dec**

I've been ordered to kill Roxas if he doesn't agree to come back to The Organisation.

I never liked loyalty. Makes you too predictable.

I want to be the first of us to break all the rules. I want to be the first devil to fly with the angels. Even if I fall, maybe I'll get a glimpse of heaven before my wings are broken.

*later*

I doubt he'll come back. But I can't let the Organisation kill him. Saving him from his own stupidity will be virtually impossible, even if I use force, and if I turn against the Organisation it might be the last thing I ever do.

But I did always like to play with fire.

**AXEL: 10****th**** Dec**

You only live once, right? If you can call this living. Time to jump into the fire and watch the sparks fly.

Seems only fair that fire and light should go out at the same time.

Can't wait to shake things up around here. Every day seems the same lately.

I'm coming for ya Rox! My little Somebody.

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_Dead By April: Promise Me:_

"_Promise me to think of us as a time so wonderful.__  
><em>_Promise me to think of us still bright still colourful.__  
><em>_Promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you enjoyed.__"_


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